A tough decision for a sweet fanatic

Everyone knows that among the four basic tastes: sweetness, bitterness, sourness, saltiness, she appreciates sweetness the most.

For example, she would order something sweet for appetizer, main course, and dessert for a three-course meal sometimes.

At the cinema, before the show starts, instead of potato chips or cheese rings, she would much prefer to have chocolate bars or strawberry-flavored lollipops as snacks.

She also enjoys taking sweet fruits like dates, longan, papaya, lycee, watermelon, grapes, and etc in big portion as she believes natural sweetness like these can never be harmful even consumed excessively.

Therefore, everyone could easily understand too how completely devastated she is now, for being diagnosed with diabetes just recently.

She struggles, and tries really hard to get back to a life where she could still taste her favorite taste, hoping that she could just muddle along and it actually won't hurt as much as what the doctor says.

Strange signs start to surface one after another.

She notices no matter how much she eats, she keeps losing weight; no matter how much she drinks, her mouth is still very dry and she is always thirsty; no matter how often she urinates, she just has to do it again very soon, sometimes in less than 5 minutes; and no matter how carefully she has been taking care of the new cut on her right index finger, it just never seems to heal.

When her skin starts to develop some unknown itchiness and yeast infections, and her legs too begin to suffer from acute pain for no reasons, the doctor warns her once again to quit eating sweet, or she will risk amputations or even her life perhaps sooner than later.

Just like how babies have to give up their pacifiers in order to grow up at some point, she now has to give up her most favorite taste in order to live longer.

But the problem is, she doesn't know if she could still survive without her favorite taste.

You can always choose to live with something that you really adore, but at the same time making your life difficult.

On the other hand, you can also choose to stop living with it, and hence, stop all the painful sensations you are suffering too.

Its always a matter of choice, you just have to figure out which one weighs more to you.

A confused geographer

As a geographer, he really knows quite a bit about the Earth.

He knows the highest point on earth is the top of Mount Everest, which is 8,848 m above sea level, located in Himalayas on the border of Nepal and China.

He knows the lowest point on earth is the bottom of Dead Sea shore, which is 422 m below sea level, bordering Jordan and Israel.

He knows it could get as hot as 57.8°C, as recorded on 13 September 1922, in Al 'Aziziyah, Libya.

He knows it could get as cold as −89.2 °C, as recorded on 21 July 1983, in Vostok Research Station, which is located about 1,300 km from the Geographic South Pole.

He knows the longest distance possible on earth, or some may refer to it as 'circumference of earth', is 40,075.16 km at the equator, which is surprisingly NOT the distance from North Pole to South Pole as many people might assume it to be, as the earth is slightly wider than it is tall by approximately 67 km, which also resulted in it being known as an 'ellipsoid', or more precisely 'geoid'.

Having said that, no matter how well he knows about the planet, he just couldn't understand why he doesn't believe in all these facts anymore...since the day he met her.

He now believes, that the highest point on earth where one could possibly reach, is when he sees her smiling. 

He now believes, that the lowest point on earth where one could possibly reach, is when he sees her crying.

He now believes, that the hottest place on earth where one could still possibly be alive, is his face that goes blushed whenever she teases him.

He now believes, that the coldest place on earth where one could still possibly be alive, is his heart that turns icy-cold whenever she rejects him.

He now believes the longest distance possible on earth, is when she is so close to him, but yet, never seems to see how much his love for her is.

He no longer thinks he is qualified to be a geographer.

Confusion might happen in the beginning of a sweet romance, and it might eventually be clarified and you become certain.

Or it might happen when you meet the WRONG person, and it might never disappear and you remain confused indefinitely.

Confrontation between two friends

Dorothy noticed something was bothering Benjamin as he didn't seem to be happy like always, and didn't talk to her as much as he used to.

Dorothy finally asked: "Hey Ben, are you alright? Have I said anything that offended you unintentionally or is there anything that's bothering you? You seem to be rather unhappy lately."

Benjamin was a little uneasy when he replied: "Hey Dorothy, not at all. I'm quite alright, maybe a little tired as I'm quite tied up with work recently, but I'm really fine, thanks for your concern."

Dorothy really thought he was alright until he came to her few days later.

"Mind if I ask you a question?" somewhat hesitated, he asked deliberately.

"Sure, go ahead," Dorothy was really curious now as Benjamin had never behaved like this before.

"OK, Have you...By any chances," hesitated for one last time before he continued, "Mentioned to anyone, maybe accidentally, about the freelance I did few months ago? Because apparently someone who's quite close to you knew about that freelance, somehow..."

With utmost disbelief, she replied agitatedly: "No, of course not! You know I always keep my words especially when I've explicitly promised that I will NEVER share it with anyone else when you told me about the freelance," She just couldn't believe that Benjamin was actually suspecting her to be the one who disclosed his secret.

"Thanks, Dorothy, I trust you, but I just wanted to re-confirm that you didn't do it, really thanks for reassuring me," Benjamin smiled at her with a relief on his face.

Dorothy replied: "Well, if you DID trust me, perhaps you didn't even have to re-confirm it by confronting me today...Anyways." 

If he trusted her, why did he keep a distance from her when he found that his secret was exploded in the beginning? Wasn't it an obvious sign that he did not trust her initially?

If he did not trust her, why did he bother to 're-confirm' again that she didn't do it by confronting her later? Didn't it clearly tell that he still trusted her and whatever she said?

But if he DID trust her, why was such re-confirmation so significant? 

But if he DID NOT, he would have just continued keeping a distance from her and not even bother to seek for a re-confirmation, perhaps?

Its always something very delicate when it comes to TRUST.

The manager and the temporary staff

The CEO recruited a graduate of School A as a manager.

The CEO expected the Manager to hire another employee who must also be a graduate of School A to expand the company business together.

The Manager hired another graduate of School A soon after he joined the company, and quickly realized that the newly hired couldn't really pace up with him, so he terminated the new employee even if he knew the CEO wouldn't quite like the idea, but the Manager still did it as he believed the company could only grow with the right employee hired.

From then onwards the Manager had been very careful with the selection of candidates. He interviewed 100 people before he finally met this candidate, who was unfortunately NOT a graduate of School A, but fulfilling most of the requirements.

The Manager then hired the candidate as a TEMPORARY staff, hoping to commence some business development while waiting for the RIGHT candidate to appear later.

Before they realized, the Temporary Staff had become more and more efficient each day. Together they expanded the business a lot, and really enjoyed working with each other.

One day, the Temporary Staff finally requested an official employment from the Manager.

The Manager: "I wish I could, unfortunately its a rule that I CANNOT hire you as an official employee if you aren't a graduate of School A, no matter how much I appreciate your talent and contribution. Perhaps you could try to get a certification from School A, and we talk about this again?"

The Temporary Staff: "Well, you know I CAN perform. I really don't see any reasons why I should study now while I can already contribute so much to the company. Perhaps you could just convert me to a permanent employee first?"

The Manager: "I afraid I am not able to do that yet. Why don't you just go and study a little bit, see how it goes, and we'll talk about it again?"

So the Temporary Staff studied a little bit and came back to the same discussion again. 

The Manager: "I'm sorry, I still can't offer you a permanent position until you become a graduate of School A. Why is it so important for you, by the way, while your job scope and salary will be more or less the same even after such conversion?"

The Temporary staff: "Becoming a permanent staff turns uncertainty to certainty, it makes me feel much appreciated and know how to plan for my career path accordingly. Like now, I feel really insecure as I never know if I would still have the job tomorrow."

The Temporary Staff: "To be honest some companies have approached me recently and proposed me some very nice package and they are all permanent positions. However, I didn't accept any of those offers as I really admire the way you work and I believe together we could make the company business a great success, and I can always do the study LATER."

The Manager: "I still can't make you a permanent staff before you become a graduate of School A. Why don't you go and study a little bit more and we'll come back to this again?"

The Temporary Staff: "I'm sorry, but I never prioritized studying as something very crucial to be done NOW, but I just can't wait to utilize all the skill and knowledge I have to achieve something bigger," and then he sadly tendered his resignation.

The Manager: "Please stay a little longer and study just a little bit more before we see how we could go about this again? I really enjoy working with you!"

The Temporary Staff: "Thank you, I enjoy working with you too. But I just don't think anything would change even if I stay longer and study a little bit more as it still won't make me a graduate of School A, while at the same time I might lose all the OPPORTUNITIES of achieving something bigger."

The Manager lost his best employee ever, because he couldn't break the rule. 

If you were him, would you compromise and still try to find a way to convert the Temporary Staff to permanent employee even if its quite impossible, continue expanding the company's business, and let the Temporary Staff become a graduate of School A eventually at his own pace?

The Temporary Staff lost his best manager ever, because he wasn't interested to study so much yet. 

If you were him, would you compromise and study it all the way to the graduation from School A, despite your lack of interest in becoming one, yet, as well as the insecurity of losing anytime both the temporary job and all possible opportunities of achieving something bigger?

Well, if only I could make a choice and give the story a happy ending.

A gifted man

He always believed that he could RUN, until he met a cheetah in East Africa one day, who could run 70 miles per hour, which is almost 3 times faster than him.

He always believed that he could SWIM, until he met a Gentoo penguin in Antarctica, who could swim 15 miles per hour; and a school of fish that never have to get out of water to breathe.

He always believed that he could JUMP, until he met a puma, who could jump 15 feet or about 5 times its height; and later a flea who could jump 100 times higher than its size.

He always believed that he could CLIMB, until he met a cat, who could just climb 3 floors up in 5 seconds without making any noise; and later a monkey who could climb a coconut tree that was 80 feet high.

"No way! There must be something I am good at," despite the little frustration, he tried to think of ANYTHING that he could do, well, not necessarily to be something elegant, but something that impresses others will do.

He thought, well, maybe he could CRAWL. Immediately he found a snail who was crawling just next to him very slowly, but yet, steadily enough that seemed as though it could do that forever; and later a black Mamba who crawled aggressively at 20 miles per hour and kept threatening him with its fangs.

He thought, well, maybe he could SLEEP. Immediately he found a bear who just woke up from its 10 days hibernation; and later a ground squirrel who told him that its about time for it to go into hibernation for 4 to 6 months.

"Just why don't I have a talent?" he was really upset in the beginning, and finally decided to stop fighting the nature, but start thinking instead what he could really do best given what he had. 

So he invented a CAR, that runs much faster than 70 miles per hour.

So he invented a SHIP, that sails much faster than 15 miles per hour; and a SUBMARINE that allows him to stay underwater for a very long time. 

So he invented a PLANE, that gets him to 37,000 feet high in the air, moves him from one end of the world to another; and a ROCKET that even transports him to another planet if he wants.

"I think I know what my talent really is now," and he happily transferred all his knowledge to many generations to come.

We all must be talented in some way, its just a matter of whether you've discovered yours.

Some people think its a waste of time and effort to try out different things or to develop different skills in life, as they think it would just end up knowing a lot in 'breadth' but not in 'depth'.

For me, I suppose you never know what your talent really is, until you discover it.

If you are uncertain about what you can achieve, just KEEP TRYING.

Old lady and a five-year-old

This old lady always started her day by sitting on a bench in front of her house, looked to the horizon with her face getting more and more miserable, and then ended up weeping, every single day.

One day, her neighbor's 5-year-old's son came by and asked: "Hello granny, why are you crying everyday?"

She answered, sadly: "That's because I have two sons..."

The young boy quickly replied: "Oh, that's GREAT, I always wanted a brother! Why are you crying?"

She continued: "My first son, Sam, is a raincoat seller, and Rob, my second son, is a hat seller."

The boy still didn't get it: "OK...But why are you crying?"

She sobbed again: "Sam makes good business when its raining, whereas Rob sells a lot of hats on a sunny day."

The boy got even more confused now: "That's good for them...why are you crying?"

She looked even sadder now: "When its sunny, I think about how Sam will be suffering because nobody will buy his raincoats."

"When it starts raining," she continued, "I just can't help thinking how Rob will have a hard time selling his hats," with her eyes glittering because of the tears, "I feel so sorry when any of their business is not doing well, and that's why I am crying."

The little boy laughed and replied innocently: "Why don't you think of Sam when its raining, and Rob on a sunny day? Then you'll be happy everyday!"

This is not a new story, but I suppose its definitely worth it to re-write it and share with those who have not read or heard about it. 

Some people just don't know how to be happy, like the granny here. 

They don't remember the good things in life, and when life gets a little tough sometimes, they become really upset and get stuck in eternal unhappiness. 

Well, just remember one thing: Its always your CHOICE to be unhappy, but good news is, you can always CHOOSE to be happy too - just try to think like a five-year-old! ;)

Two monks and a beautiful woman

Two monks were on their way back to their temple, when they saw a beautiful woman sitting next to the river they were about to cross, with a distressed look on her face.

They asked if the woman needed any help. The woman said she needed to cross the river but she didn't know how to swim, would be great if any of them could carry her across the river.

Monk #1 immediately rejected her as its proclaimed in the doctrines that a monk should avoid any physical contacts with any women by all means, while monk #2, on the contrary, accepted the request and piggybacked her across the river, totally disregarding the strong objection from monk #1.

Once they'd crossed the river, monk #2 slowly put her down, and left after she expressed her thankfulness for his help.

As the two continued the journey back home, monk #1 never stopped criticizing monk #2 for not following the doctrines by having physical contacts with the beautiful woman.

When they finally arrived, monk #2 who had just been keeping quiet until then, looked at monk #1 and said:

"I have long put her down since we crossed the river, but you on the other hand, are still taking her with you in your heart until now."

Read this story on a Chinese newspaper some years ago, and still find it very inspiring today.  

Sometimes persistence is really great to have especially when it comes to self-improvement or other positive things that could be done in order to create a better life; other times it might just appear to be some obstacles for one to move on and discover other wonderful things in life. 

Therefore, be persistent ONLY when its for something BETTER.

It might be good for you

There was this king who had an advisor who always followed him, and always said 'It might be good for you' for everything the king did.

One day, the king was very full as a result of eating too much, the advisor said: "It might be good for you, your majesty."

Another day, the king couldn't sleep well and felt really bad the next morning. Yet again the advisor said: "It might be good for you, your majesty."

The king could never understand why was it that the advisor kept saying that.

When the king accidentally chopped off his little toe one day, with no surprise the advisor said it again: "It might be good for you, your majesty."

This time the king got really annoyed and roared: "How on earth losing a toe might be good for me? You shall be imprisoned INDEFINITELY for giving such UNCONSTRUCTIVE advice!"

The advisor was then kept in a small cell which had totally no windows, and was only provided a meal and three glasses of water each day.

But only god knows why, the advisor still said: "Thank you, my lord. It might be good for ME."

Some months later, the king went hunting with some friends. Somehow they went different ways and lost each other after a while.

The king ended up bumping into a cannibal tribe and got captured by the cannibals, unfortunately. They tied him up and started performing some rituals before cooking him.

Just when they were about to throw the king into the big pot with boiling water, the tribe leader raised his hand and said: "Examine him, for one last time."

So the retinues began to check the king thoroughly. First with the head, then face, neck, shoulders, chest, stomach, arms, hands, between his legs, back, thighs, calves...and finally the feet.

One of them shouted out immediately: "Oh no, he is missing a toe!"

With great anger, the tribe leader instructed: "Release him, we don't want anything INCOMPLETE!"

The king quickly ran away from the tribe and finally found his way back to his castle.

Guess what, the first thing he did was releasing the advisor.

"I never knew you are so wise," asked the king, "How did you manage to predict what would happen today when I lost my toe?"

"I didn't exactly see what was coming for you, your majesty. I just knew 'It might be good for you', and you only know why is it GOOD when the moment is RIGHT, your majesty," the advisor answered.

The king wasn't quite impressed and continued asking: "Well, why did you say it might be good for YOU when I put you in jail then?"

Smiling meaningfully, the advisor replied: "Imagine if I wasn't put in jail, would I then survive from the cannibals if I followed you for the hunting today, like I always did? So it was, indeed, good for me, your majesty."

This wonderful story was shared by a good friend some time ago. I was really impressed the first time I heard it.

However, for some reasons, I have never been able to tell the complete story to others since then. So I guess its a good idea to write it down before it happens again. :)

Mood swings...side effects of the pills?

"I don't know WHY but I really feel offended by what you just said."

"Can you PLEASE stop doing that? I really dislike it."

"Would you stop talking for a while IF you don't mind? I just need some silence."

"Bear with me, guess I'm having my 'moments' again...sob...sob...sob..."

"Damn it! Don't these people know how to drive?!"

"Why again with all these expenses? I'm so SICK of spending again!"

"Didn't I just say that to you? Can you PLEASE pay more attention next time?"

Etc etc.

Simply too many examples of my recent grumpiness, which was possibly due to the taking of some hormonal pills (Mercilon) since 2 weeks ago, in attempt to prevent the stomachache I had earlier (caused by 'functional cyst') from happening again.

Sometimes I would get upset over nothing while I was 'reasonably' happy just 5 minutes ago.

It also happened once that I suddenly started weeping in the middle of driving, really for no apparent reasons, but I just felt miserable.

The emotions just creeped in when I was most unprepared, like when I was alone, or with the closest people in my life, family for example.

I feel especially sorry for my father, as he is probably among the most unfortunate victims of my mood swings these days. I don't really remember the last time when I spoke to him without raising my voice or being grumpy.

Think my workmates and friends, too, were unable to escape from my emotional attacks as I seemed to be able to spark a fight after a short while of being engaged in a discussion / conversation.

Even though I felt extremely guilty and sorry for my poor manner right after every unnecessary argument, however, it was just almost IMPOSSIBLE for me to control my emotion at those moments.

I was told by the doctor that I might experience some emotional change when I'm on medication of the pills, especially during the first week, as it would trigger the release of certain hormones in my body.

But seriously, never thought this 'change' could be so aggresive and annoying, even to myself. Really can't wait for my body to get used to such hormonal change, and be APPROACHABLE to others again.

Anyway, last yell for tonight:

Inexplicable mood swings, GO AWAY! I want to be sweet again! :D :D :D

First hospitalization experience - Day 2

Even though I went to bed early that night, I kept waking up like every 2 hours or so, due to the resistance to sleeping on an unfamiliar bed, the anxiety of being 'intruded' anytime by some unknown visitors as the door was opened all the time, and also because nurses came in to get my body temperature & blood pressure every now and then in the middle of the night.

Anyway, after the long night, I just couldn't wait to wake up before 9am the next morning, hoping to get whatever necessary to be done so that I could leave as soon as possible.

This time I was taken to see Dr. J, a gynaecologist, to do the final abdominal ultrasound which confirmed Dr. X's diagnosis - there's a functional cyst of unusual size in my right ovary, which was however subsiding compared to the day before.

To my surprise, I got a prescription of some oral contraceptive pills. According to Dr. J, apparently those pills could prevent the cysts from forming again by stopping my ovulation upon next menstrual cycle (which also achieves birth control purposes).

Anyway, I was still grateful for the fact that no operation was required and happily waiting to be discharged since 1pm, but what I didn't know was that it was actually just the beginning of another unpleasant event...

Think I'd gone to the discharge department for at least 4 or 5 times to check the status of it, as nobody ever came to my room to update me anything about the discharge.

Can you believe that I was still in the hospital after SEVEN hours? Just because they still couldn't get the letter of guarantee from my insurance company for my hospitalization bill by then.

I finally stopped bugging the officer in discharge department, Mr. Whatever (besides forgetting his name, also because I really don't care!), at 6pm when he told me that the initial guarantee letter was approved by the insurance company, and I could go home in one hour once they received the final approval letter later.

So I went back to my room and patiently waited for another hour, before I realized it was actually a TRICK to stop me from bugging him anymore - the discharge department closed at exactly 7pm!

I couldn't believe the employee of such a reputable hospital would be so irresponsible to this extent, and yet, there was still nobody who came and informed me when exactly I could leave. (Or did anybody even care?)

With serious annoyance, I went down to the reception at the main entrance of the hospital and asked for my discharge status. Only then I found out I had to pay the bill myself because the insurance company had somehow rejected to pay for the bill due to the conflict between initial and final diagnoses of my condition.

I went totally SPEECHLESS when I learned the bill was almost RM1700. Just couldn't understand why did I have to stay for so long while in the end I still had to pay for myself?

Can you believe that I left the hospital around 8pm? Something was SERIOUSLY wrong with the discharge procedure in that hospital.

Think about it, througout the 7 hours waiting period, it wasn't just my time that was wasted, but also hospital resources like the ward I occupied, the nurses who came to provide meals and etc, all of these were unnecessarily abused merely due to the inefficiency of the discharge procedure.

Anyway, this was my first, and hopefully last, hospitalization experience.

First hospitalization experience - Day 1

Was very grateful for being 'quite' healthy and never been admitted to hospital before for any reasons, until 24 June 2010.

It began with an unusual abdominal pain on the right side which never went off for more than 2 weeks since it started. I could even feel the pain while driving through some road bumps especially when I wasn't driving 'gently', or when I was walking fast with high heels, or even when I was jumping while practising some Yoga poses.

Even though I experienced similar pain before, but the pain would normally disappear after a maximum of 3 or 4 days. I got worried as the pain lasted for too long this time and still showed no sign of going away, so I decided to consult a doctor.

Dr. A examined my stomach by pressing a few places on it, and concluded that it wasn't acute appendicitis (usual cause of pain on right abdomen), but could have something to do with my ovary, however.

He then referred me to a specialist (I'm still unsure of what field he is specialized in until now), Dr. M, whom I went to see a week later.

Dr. M went through the same examination like Dr. A but derived a conflicting diagnosis - it was most likely acute appendicitis, even though it is also possible to be an ovarian problem - so he proposed an immediate admission to further examining my condition, and also instructed me to fast in case there was a need of surgery.

So there I was, admitted to one of the most expensive and reputable hospitals in KL, on the 24th of June, after being reassured by the hospital staffs that it would be totally covered by my insurance company prior to the admission.

Before I could enter my ward (somehow they needed 3 hours to clean it up), I went through some blood test, urine test, and finally an ultrasound on my stomach. Funny part was I had to drink like 8 cups of water before the ultrasound, as it had to be done while I was 'passing urine' somehow.

Dr. X (Sorry, but I just don't remember her initial :P) identified that there's a cyst in my right ovary, which in medical term is being referred to as 'functional cyst'. According to her, basically its something that wraps over my ovum before it gets burst upon ovulation each month (to release the ovum).

My problem was, for some reasons, that functionl cyst didn't get burst but stayed in my ovary even after ovulation period. So she suspected that was the cause of my abdominal pain.

I finally got my room 3 hours later, all on my own, of which they called it 'executive room'. It was bigger than I thought. Comes with attached bathroom, telivision, a couch that is big enough for 2 persons lying on it the same time, an air-conditioner which is cold enough for me to decide to shut it down 20 minutes later, and 3 meals a day were provided (had to skip a dinner & breakfast however as a preparation for the possible operation the next day).

Trust me, I was absolutely overwhelmed by the excitement when I first entered the room, as I never expected before that my first hospilization would happen in such a spacious and cosy room.

For one second I even forgot that I was actually in a hospital :)

However, the excitement was soon replaced by some loneliness and unbearableness of being ignored for the rest of the evening.

I had no visitors because I didn't tell any of my friends or family that I was admitted as I thought it was not something serious that others should be bothered.

Before it comes true...

It took me more than 10 years before I realized that I've transformed from someone who could write reasonably well to someone who seemingly likes to write, then slowly to someone who can hardly write, and finally someone who used to write, even though its still one of my dreams to become a professional writer one day.

This blogsite was created half a year ago, when I was setting my new year's resolutions for year 2010 in December last year. Without much surprise, 'being able to write again' had easily become one of the things that I wanted to achieve by end of the year, and this blogsite was created at that moment when my enthusiasm for writing was still at its peak.

However, what happened between now and then was, I had been through a MASSIVE struggle before the first post was able to be produced...

Upon the creation of this blogsite, I spent a few days just to come up with this 'great theme' for the blogsite - Dare Dreaming, in an attempt to introduce some other crazy dreams I have besides becoming a writer, such as saving some money that is sufficient for me to quit my job and travel around the world for at least two years, without having to worry about family not being supported financially when I'm away; come back enlightened and able to figure out what exactly I want to achieve in my life; then finally make a living out of something I'm passionate about...or simply anything I do that takes me through the path to realization of my dreams.

Once the theme was set, however, yet again I spent a few days just to decide which language to use. Well, there is a good reason for such hesitation actually. Though I was chinese educated until I completed my high school education in 1997, and even won a few writing competitions in Mandarin back then, I haven't been practising it frequently enough to keep some of the beautiful words and idioms I learned before. I even have difficulty to form a complete Mandarin sentence without mixing it with another dialect or language sometimes, let alone making sure its grammar mistake-free, which is quite a shame for someone who has received chinese education for ELEVEN years.

Anyway, I'd then decided to use English instead, simply because I'm more exposed to it nowadays because of work, compared to other languages. All the emails are written in English for example, and its also widely spoken at my workplace due to the great variety of nationalities we have there.

And then I finally got my hands on the actual writing. I tried to bring up those dreams in a way which I insisted must be different from how people normally do when they talk about dreams, hoping to impress the readers with my 'innovativeness' right from the beginning, as I always thought the opening of a potential blockbuster must be unique and magnificent.

So there I was successfully gotten myself trapped by a mindset of trying to come out a MASTERPIECE, after more than a decade of NOT writing.

As you could easily imagine, I spent perhaps 95% of the time to just edit whatever I'd written so far, over and over again, compared to anything else while constructing my first post.

The struggle continued until it came to a point where I'd finally run out of patience, then decided to stop writing again as a result of failing to create such an 'earth-shaking' masterpiece, and hence this site has been totally empty since then.

Well, it might seem quite obvious now what had been the major cause that stopped me from writing again back then, now that I described it in a more readable manner, but the fact is I never really saw the problem myself until much later, after some long analytical conversations with friends who have always been concerned about my progression in 'being able to write again', and never failed to enlighten me more every time we met.

I finally learned that in order to start writing again the first thing I should do is simply to abandon all the (perhaps way too) logical thoughts I had in mind all this while with a sheer intention to build a perfect blogsite - the theme, language, rhetoric, target audience, and so on - and just start writing something!

Well, not necessarily it has to be something that talks about my dreams, or something that inspires others to achieve their dreams but simply ANYTHING under the sun that I feel like putting into words or even pictures, doesn't matter. As long as I'm doing it for my pleasure and keep it going, like any other habits that can be picked up in 21 days if you keep doing the same, I believe one day it will become something very natural for me to do again, and my dream too will be realized before long.

So here I am, with my logical brain tightly shut this time, awaiting the exciting moment to come.

Cheers!